Category Archives: hotties

The Beer Garden Strikes Back

...and we're back.

...and we're back.

Okay…so we’re back after an egregious break. A hell of a lot has happened since Sept. 16, the last time we posted. First of all, Bar Refaeli is on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue this year and, mostly because of that, this blog has blown up to over 112,000 hits. And John Smoltz is a Red Sox! Strange times, indeed.

In a closer orbit, the Portland State men’s basketball team is about to implode if they don’t find some leadership and a little more consistent shooting. But their biggest problem might be the one they simply can’t solve: The Vikings lack an inside presence. One of their toughest inside guys, Julius Thomas, is just 6-5, and taller players like Kyle Coston roam the outside. It’s an odd team this year, and it makes one pine for last year’s model, which featured 6-11 bruiser [uh, literally more like jaw smasher] Scott Morrison and dynamic wing Deonte Huff.

Vanguard sports editor Skyler Archibald is on board with my lack of inside presence theory. Check http://www.dailyvanguard.com for the latest Vikings coverage.

So what does the future hold? Well, it’s spring training, the interminably long NBA season has finally ground its way past the All-Star break, the Bruins are in first place, and Pitt just creamed UCONN. All that means we’re going to have plenty to talk about in the coming months, and the Beer Garden will be there, if only to enjoy the ride.

Oh, and one more thing: Bar Refaeli is just insanely hot.

Sarah Palin…mmmhmm.

I'd fuck her.

I'd fuck her.

I really hope this isn’t some photoshopped illusion, cuz if this is really Sarah Palin, then yeah, I’d fuck her. Go Team America!

America’s Mom takes the stage tonight at the Republican National Convention. I might even consider voting for her if she shows up in this.

Small of America

Shawn Johnson gets the monkey off her very small back with a gold medel in Beijing.

Shawn Johnson gets the monkey off her very small back with a gold medel in Beijing.

Damn dude. Virtual midget Shawn Johnson finally got the monkey off her back with a bigtime win over teammate Nastia Liukin on the balance beam to claim her first gold medal in Beijing. While she claims she would never trade her silver medals (and the journalist believes her—that’s called getting snowed and its a bad thing), leaving the land of smog and the cheerfully oppressed with a bunch of silver would be heartbreaking. Think about it: those silvers would just sit on her shelf reminding her she’s a fuck up, and even worse, that she lost out to her “buddy” Nastia.

It’s like a woman who claims she doesn’t want an engagement ring. Yeah fucking right. If I’m at the point where I’m about to sign my life away, the last thing I’m doing is falling for that trick. She’d lord it over you for the rest of your natural and unnatural life. Trust me.

Anyway, back to Johnson. Little girl is 16 and just 4-foot-9. I’ve been having this debate with several friends, but let me put it this way: If she was 18 and still that small, there’s a small chance that I’d find sleeping with her completely stomach turning. Life isn’t just about who you’d sleep with, although if that wasn’t the central debate if you watched her compete with a buddy or two, you probably don’t care what the fuck she looks like. So, Shawn Johnson, congratulations! You’ve given hope to “little people” everywhere.

At least she could kick your ass

Critics of Olympic goat Alicia Sacramone better watch out. If you fuck with her, she’ll knock your sorry ass out. This video is fairly famous by now. And yeah, I stumbled across it trolling for pics of her once I realized how smoking she is. See for yourself after the jump.

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Team Hotness

Kerri Walsh and Misty May are on to the finals in Olympic beach volleyball. Who cares? They're wicked hot.

Beach babes: Kerri Walsh and Misty May are on to the finals in Olympic beach volleyball. Who cares! Do you even know the rules of beach volleyball?

The US volleyball team is on to the finals! Why is this important? Uhh, are you blind? Now that Michael Phelps is done crushing the rest of the world, Kerri Walsh and Misty May are where it’s at. They are dominant and SMOKING. It’s a deadly combination. Just look at gymnast Alicia Sacramone. Hot as hell, but she’s been making the Manning Face all week. I feel bad for her, but shit, failure’s an ugly color on anybody. So were those horrid red outfits. Not pretty.

Luckily for Walsh/May, they don’t wear much of anything to begin with. Team Hotness takes on the Chinese in a no-holds-barred grudge match for gold Thursday. GO USA!

Michael Phelps, my hero

And you have 14 gold medals?

And you have 14 gold medals?

According to some reports in the British media, Michael Phelps and Amanda Beard might be an item. Nice. Not only does the guy go and break a world record with eight gold medals and 14 golds overall, he has to pull the hottest swimmer in the past 20 years. When you’re on top, you’re on top.

Gratuitous flesh

I dig Israeli chicks.

I dig Israeli chicks.

Just in case there was still a debate over Bar Refaeli. Yeah, she’s hot. Get over it. She’s right in my wheelhouse, too. Maybe not a grand slam, but certainly a two-run shot over the Monster.

See more Bar after the jump.

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